Mentor tools and Tips
October/November Mentor Training & Tips
"How to hang out & start a conversation"
How to hang out?
There is no “one size fits all” activity that works for all situations. Whether you decide to grab a meal together, attend a sporting event, go hiking, grocery shopping, work on the car, etc., the point is to be with your student in an active setting that allows the sharing of insights, observations, or in certain cases, not saying anything at all, just being.
“Most of the time what’s done together is an activity that would be done anyway, yet with the students there.” Try to make this statement true as you realize that mentoring does not have to be a lot of added work, but rather, including students into the normal. If you have a project around the house, ask for their help. If you’re a runner, ask them to join. If you’re running errands, bring them along. Attempt to merge your life and passions with the life and passions of the student whom you are mentoring.
How to start a conversation?
Here are some situational tips to help you get started with conversations. Try some of them out as you discovers what works best for you. Get in the habit of preparing several questions prior to each hangout.
As you’re driving together, ask their opinion: “Why do you think people are in such a hurry? Why do you think people get road rage? What kind of driver are you, or will you be?”
When you’re in the store: “Do you think people buy too much stuff? What kind of store would you open? What product would you invest in?
When you hear a song on the radio: “What does this song mean to you? Should songs be more about fun or truth? Is that really how relationships work?”
When you go to a movie together: “What values were promoted in the movie? Or, what was the main point? Was the hero really a good person? What was the most evil moment?”
When you’re eating together: “What do you think makes a person healthy? If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
Try asking general questions such as: “What do you like/dislike about school this year? Anything new in the relationship world? Tell me a fun story about your childhood, i.e. what you were into? Do you think it matters what a person believes? Can belief affect a person’s career, family, friends, hobbies, etc.?”
Our prayer is that Christ is able to work in and through these mentor relationships. May real change happen; changes that positively affect the course each student’s life for the better. AmenFor questions, contact:
George Ratchford (Spiritual Life Director)
September Mentor Training & Tips
“The Power of Love”
The Purpose of Mentor Training:
We want to welcome you to the privilege of being selected as a part of your student’s 1:5 Circle of Care. Village Christian School is committed to equipping and training all mentors as you take on the honor of guiding your student through this journey of adolescence. We recognize being a mentor is a blessing, but not always easy; therefore, we commit to equipping you with tools and tips as you engage with your student. These periodic updates are one of the ways in which we plan to help. If you have any questions or want more information, feel free to contact me.
Spiritual Life Director
Training: “The Power of an Empathetic Mentor”
As mentors, we must be careful that we do not become fixers. All to often it is in our nature to paint silver linings around the struggles of others. Brene Brown does a great job of describing the difference between empathy & sympathy, and warns against becoming “at least” people in this short VIDEO.
Being empathetic begins with discovery. It is about understanding the person and their current state of emotion.
- If they are in a truly joyous place, celebrate with them.
- If they are in a place of confusion or struggle, ask more questions and listen.
Sharing advice from our past experiences and giving hope by showing the “light at the end of the tunnel” is a good thing; however, we must never forget to share the reality of the struggle, difficulty, depression, etc. that exists in the darkness of the tunnel. Being empathetic means not assuming a person can magically skip to the light at the end of the tunnel. Being empathetic recognizes that the journey is fraught with thorns, while saying to that person, “I am with you”.
(For a personal story of empathy from a parent perspective, check out this Blog/Article.)
Lord, grant that I may seek rather
to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
St. Francis of Assisi
The Power in a Note of Gratitude
Click Here to read more about the research behind the power of an encouraging note. Then, before moving on to your next task, write a note to your student and send it via text, letter or email. Don’t let the moment pass as it may be exactly what he/she needs.
Involvement, Sharing-Faith & Openness
In the Spring of 2016 we partnered with Fuller Thrive Center to conduct a survey of over 350 VCS high school students. Using the Positive Youth Development (PYD) score we were able to determine to key findings that are essential for mentors:
Students scored higher on the PYD Confidence scale when they had a mentor regularly involved in their life.
Students scored higher on the PYD Connection scale when their mentors where highly involved, shared their faith, and approached the mentoring relationship with openness.
In other words, our research has shown that being regularly involved in a student’s life, taking time to share your faith, and having an openness to what they are dealing with increases a student’s ability to be socially Connected and live with Confidence.
Involvement (small ways and Big Ways): As mentioned earlier, sending notes of encouragement and love can be a powerful gesture. It reminds a person that they are know and someone believes in them. A bigger step is to show up at his/her game, performance, or show. Maybe set up a time to take them to a movie or grab some ice cream.
Share-Faith. Adolescents do not like to be “preached” at, but they want to talk about faith and real life. Make sure to ask good questions, share about Jesus, and talk through ways to live a better life.
Openness: Students consistently reported an aversion to mentors who were not open to their questions and real life challenges. Be a mentor that listens carefully. Try to look at what they are saying from their perspective, and then, with empathy, responds in love.
Bonus: (Try this during a car ride to break the ice.)
20 Questions is a classic game that has been played for ages. To play 20 Questions, one person thinks of an object and the others playing can ask 20 questions (typically with only a Yes or No response) in an effort to guess what it is.
Our prayer is that Christ is able to work in and through these mentor relationships. May real change happen; change that positively affects the course of each student’s life for the better.
Check out this excerpt from the above article: “A five year study sponsored by Big Brothers Big Sisters Canada shows that children with mentors were more confident and had fewer behavioral problems. Girls in the study were four times less likely to become bullies than those without a mentor and boys were two times less likely. In general, young people showed increased belief in their abilities to succeed in school and felt less anxiety related to peer pressure.”
From a biblical perspective, this study exemplifies the wisdom found in Proverbs 22:6, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
For a practical response, and with Spring Break is right around the corner, use this opportunity to hang out with your 1:5 student. Here are some ideas:
- Go to a movie, baseball game, or to the mall,
- Bring your student along on an errand run to maximize your time,
- Invite them to Sunday Easter Service,
- If you’re far away, FaceTime them or send them an encouraging Easter Card.
If you have a student on the Mexicali Mission Trip, Click Here to sign up as a Mexicali Prayer Partner.
Video Tip: “Don’t be a Helicopter” Click Here for a quick video.
Mentorship is not meant to be mistake-free as life can not be mistake-free. As mentors, our job is to help students try, fail, learn and try again. Watch the above video and soak it up.
Bonus: The Zombie Apocalypse Game
DISCLAIMER: Know your audience! Some people will dive into an odd game like this while others could care less.
How to play this game?
Here is an example, but know that the scenario can be easily modified. Let’s say I’m hanging out with one of my 1:5 mentees. I simply bring up a scenario by saying something like, “Okay, we’re in Old Town Pasadena and a Zombie Apocalypse breaks out in Downtown L.A. These are the slow, “Walking Dead” type of zombies. So, where do we go? What do we grab to take with us? Who do we bring along?” And then let the conversation be free flowing.
Why play this game? - Let me give you three reasons: (1) Playing fun, and sometimes silly games can be a great way to bond. (2) A game such as this allows you to work together as a team, which helps to build trust. (3) It can be very insightful in discovering what and who matters most to a person.